Child: There's a short one; I can do it myself!---
Man: Ok, here... no, don't hang your ass out1... there... and don't touch it2, you'll get cooties.
Me: (begins to struggle against silent giggles)
Man: And don't pee on my foot.
Me: (exits almost shaking, and wanders the floor for a few minutes chortling.)
1 Interestingly, the thing with pants and small children seems to be a theme. I can remember hearing a man chastising a small child in the stall of a rest stop on one of my driving trips this year: "What did you take your pants off for? Nobody takes off their pants to go potty in a public restroom, that's disgusting."
2 No, I don't know what "it" referred to, as I wasn't looking that direction, but I'm assuming he meant the urinal. If it was a different "it", then I understand why the child was having trouble with, uh, direction.